Archive for May, 2008

27
May

Rain and Remembering

 

The steady rhythm of the rain tonight as I drove home reminded me of a night in May many years ago. I was playing basketball on an outdoor court when it began to rain. The rain drenched clothes and skin. Thunder rumbled through the basketball court. Lightening embraced the night sky. The rain cleansed the air.

When the rain soaked my shoes, I kicked them off. I felt the cold water chill my feet as sweat mingled with rain on my face. I focused on the game, on the steady rhythm of dribble, pass, and shoot. The ball was slippery and the game was challenging. The feel of feet on wet concrete, hands grabbing wet leather, and muscles responding to commands are sensory memories that call me back to that night. A night of foolishness, freedom, and fun. A once in a lifetime moment.

That night is so memorable because I wasn’t focused on the thunder or the lightening (perhaps being quite foolish). I wasn’t worried about what would happen later that night or the next day. The only thing I was focused on was the rhythm of dribble, pass, and shoot. I was immersed in the moment. More than 25 years later I can still get lost in the memories of that night.

What I didn’t know that night was that it was the last time I would play basketball before I broke my back. I didn’t know that it would be a last opportunity to enjoy the rhythm of dribble, pass, and shoot without feeling pain. I didn’t know what would happen. I just had the moment.

Tonight, I smile as I watch the steady rhythm of the rain and remember that moment . . . remember the rhythm . . . remember a moment when I wasn’t concerned about the next hour or the next day.

Tonight as I fall asleep, I pray for more rain, more wet feet, more moments to remember.



23
May

Sexual Abuse and “Christian Friends”

 

During Maria’s eighth grade year, her parents befriend her softball coach, Coach Jennings. When Coach Jennings’ mother dies, she begins to talk to Maria more about her mother and her own grief. Although Maria’s parents’ are concerned about Maria assuming a peer relationship with her coach, they reassure themselves that Coach Jennings is a coach at a Christian school and a family friend.

One weekend, Maria’s mother attends a ladies retreat sponsored by her church. Coach Jennings calls Maria after the other women have left for the retreat and tells Maria she wants to attend the retreat and asks Maria to ride with her to the retreat. Maria agrees. When Coach Jennings and Maria get to the retreat area, they have to share a room because there aren’t other rooms available. They sit up talking for several hours talking.

In the early morning hours, they go to bed. Some time later, Maria awakes when she feels Coach Jennings’ hands caressing her breasts. Maria’s body stiffens, but she keeps her eyes closed hoping that Coach Jennings will think that she is asleep. Maria can’t believe what is happening. Surely Coach Jennings is asleep. Eventually it stops. Maria lies awake staring at the ceiling after Coach Jennings’ steady breathing indicates she is asleep.

The next morning when Maria gets up, she doesn’t mention the incident and pretends it didn’t happen. Coach Jennings never mentions the situation. Both Maria and Coach Jennings spend the day in Bible study together with the other women on the retreat. That night, they both go back to their room and talk about the day’s lessons. They both go to bed without mentioning the previous night’s incident. Although Maria is anxious, she believes the previous night’s incident was a mistake or that maybe she was dreaming. Eventually she falls asleep.

Again, Coach Jennings’ hands awaken her. Maria pretends she is asleep. Nothing is said about what happens the next morning. Maria thinks about telling her mother, but doesn’t want Coach Jennings to get in trouble. Maria doesn’t tell anyone what happened. That weekend becomes the beginning of nearly five years of sexual abuse.

Maria is one of 1.3 million children a year that are sexually abused. Approximately one in three women and one in six men are sexually abused before age 18, and an estimated 61 percent of sexual assault victims are under the age of 18. With such a large number of children and teens being sexually abused, parents need to develop an awareness of how adults manipulate children into sexually abusive relationships. Parents need to be cautious and aware of who their children are spending time with. Just because someone is a “Christian” or a family “friend” doesn’t mean that parents don’t still need to supervise their children’s activities.

Trust your instincts. If it doesn’t feel right to you, check it out!

Excerpt from Sex: Helping Church Teens Deal With Challenging Issues.



23
May

Press Release for Sandwiched: Pass the Peanut Butter and Jelly

 

LUBBOCK, TX – April 10, 2008

“Sandwich generation? What an interesting term for people who are caring for their children and their parents at the same time. In fact, people who care for their children, their aging parents, and their aging grandparents are club sandwiches! Sandwich generation refers to the dilemma of meeting the needs and desires of two generations. Sandwiched…one generation on one side of you and another generation on the other side of you. Sandwiched…pulled in two different directions.”

Dr. Beth Robinson has experienced living in a sandwiched generation first hand. From those chaotic times she has produced a book, Pass the Peanut Butter and Jelly. These delightful vignettes are fun to read, but also carry a powerful insight into family dynamics. She tells about quilting with her grandmother, roofing a house for her grandparents, caring for her invalid grandfather, and joining her siblings in cleaning the long-neglected kitchen of a once-grand cook who lost her abilities. Her stories are both touching and funny.

Dr. Robinson was fortunate to have a close family wherein the generations loved and cared for one another. She writes,

“From my front row seat I learned…

· Faith is more important than finances.

· Peanut butter, mustard, and pickle sandwiches are a complete meal.

· Loving someone can be exhausting and frustrating.

· Reds and whites aren’t a good combination for laundry.

· Tears aren’t always bad.

· Wearing a wig backwards makes a definite fashion statement.

· Nobody wants to clean the toilets.

· Chaos is a form of landscaping.

· Being a servant is what you do when no one outside your family acknowledges it.

· Bodies decay, but souls are eternal.”

During the early years in Beth’s family, a conversation with her brother would be, “It’s my turn” “It’s my turn.” “You already had a turn.””You’ve had two turns.” “It’s not fair. Give me my turn!” As they matured, their conversations changed. While sitting with their grandfather in the hospital, the conversation was, “I’ll take the first turn.” “I’ll take the first turn.” “You need to get your rest.” “Your need your rest too.” “I don’t mind taking the first turn.” “I don’t mind either.” “Are your sure?” “I’m sure. You can have the next turn.” Other experiences brought similar growth among the family members.

In the United States, from 1900 to the year 2000, life expectancy increased from 47 to 76 years. This has produced a new social pattern. Studies vary widely on the number of families who are sandwiched, but range from 9% to as high as 35%. With the boomer generation soon reaching age 65, that percentage will continue to increase dramatically.

All of these families can use a little humor, some encouragement, and a few tips along the way to making the process not only work, but also to include some joy.

Dr. Beth Robinson is the Graduate Director of Behavioral Sciences at Lubbock Christian University and has a private counseling practice specializing in traumatized children. She also has written three other books and developed a coloring book, “God Made Me, the Safe Touch Book,” that teaches children about sexual safety and appropriateness. Dr. Robinson is a popular speaker and trainer for both lay and professional groups.

Pass the Peanut Butter and Jelly is available from Dr. Robinson’s web site: www.drbethrobinson.com or from www.amazon.com and other online resources.