At this time of year, it is easy to focus on the material gifts our children want.  We can get caught up on buying the newest toy or latest video game, but I think what our children want from us is good parenting.  I learned one of the most fundamental lessons about parenting from my first boss.  My first job was as an assistant coach working for Denese Skinner. When I went to work for Denese, she was the head coach of a girl’s basketball program in one of the toughest areas in the state of Texas.  She was hired to develop the girls basketball program because the school was transitioning from being aK-8 school to being a K-12 school.  The first year I worked for Denese, our oldest players were sophomores and many of them didn’t have much experience playing basketball.

From the beginning of pre-season, Denese was precise and demanding in practice.  Every practice was outlined and ran on a timed schedule.  She repeatedly stressed fundamentals.  She was pushing the girls from early morning to late in the evening to try to get them ready for the season.  When the season started, it was gruesome (and that is putting it mildly).  The varsity team was getting beat by large point margins, but while we sat on the bench during the games, Denese’s intensity never let down.  If we were behind 40 points with two minutes to go and one of the girls didn’t execute a fundamental skill, Denese was on her.

Finally after several games where we were getting whipped, I was frustrated and asked Denese why she didn’t back off the girls some during the games.  She turned and shook a finger in my face and said, “Kids want discipline.  They want to know that we expect the same thing every time.  I won’t allow them to learn to do things wrong.  I’m coaching for next year and the year after, not this year.”  Kids want discipline??

When one of our best players on the team cut practice on a Saturday to go shopping with her mom, Denese refused to play her in the next game and required make up conditioning from her.  The young lady was furious.  She refused to do the make up conditioning and didn’t suit up for the game she couldn’t play in.  Denese had established team rules and if the best or the worst player violated the rules, the consequences were the same.  Ultimately, the young lady checked out of school and she enrolled at another high school. We finished the season without her. However, the next year, she came back and asked Denese to rejoin the team, which she did with a clear understanding of the rules and expectations.

Several years later, I saw that young lady at a wedding. She thanked me for expecting a lot from her and making her follow the rules.  She told me that her experience on the basketball team was the first time in her life that she had experienced consequences.   She thanked me for teaching her how to parent her young son.  She said she was using what we had taught her in basketball to raise her son because she wanted to be a good parent.

A basketball coach teaching parenting??  Denese and I never set out to do that, but I do believe that Denese was right.  Kids want discipline.  They want to know that someone will provide rules and consequences because they care.  They want to know that there are boundaries that control our actions.   While we each could make a long list of things our children want from us for Christmas, let’s not forget the most important things they want from us.  They want us to provide Godly guidance through consistent rules and expectations.

All I want for Christmas . . . is parents who care enough to say no.

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 28th, 2008 at 4:04 pm and is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.