Dealing with teen sexuality is not a task for the faint of heart. Dr. Robinson provides essential information for parents and youth workers concerning teen sexuality in this book. Dr. Robinson provides a set of essential skills for youth minister and parents.
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“Sandwiched.”
What an interesting term for people who are caring for their children and their parents at the same time. In fact, people who care for their children, their aging parents, and their aging grandparents are club sandwiches! Sandwich generation refers to the dilemma of meeting the needs and desires of two generations.
Sandwiched…one generation on one side of you and another generation on the other side of you.
Sandwiched…pulled in two different directions.
I was a teenager growing up in a sandwiched family with my parents caring for my mother’s parents. I had the privilege and responsibility of quilting with my grandmother, roofing a house for my grandparents, caring for my invalid grandfather, and joining her siblings in cleaning the long-neglected kitchen of a once-grand cook who lost her abilities.
From my front row seat I learned…
• Faith is more important than finances.
• Peanut butter, mustard, and pickle sandwiches are a complete meal.
• Loving someone can be exhausting and frustrating.
• Reds and whites aren’t a good combination for laundry.
• Tears aren’t always bad.
• Wearing a wig backwards makes a definite fashion statement.
• Nobody wants to clean the toilets.
• Chaos is a form of landscaping.
• Being a servant is what you do when no one outside your family acknowledges it.
• Bodies decay, but souls are eternal.
The greatest thing I learned from my front row seat in a sandwiched family was how display to family members the love of God through service. My front row seat allowed me to see for a moment or two what is was like to see Jesus washing the feet of the apostles.
Yesterday I walked into a cottage at a group home. I’ve been having some pretty significant back problems and I needed a couple of teenage guys to help me load some stuff in my Explorer. I no more walked into the living room of the cottage than a caseworker asked me if I had a few minutes to deal with one of the guys on my caseload. I let her know that I actually needed to take him with me to help me load some stuff. When I walked to the doorway of the teenager’s room, his staff member has him cornered in his closet (literally). I just acted like I didn’t notice anything going on (kids believe I don’t notice because I’m sooooo old). I asked the kid if he could come help me load some stuff and he, of course, immediately agreed to help me so he could get out of the situation he was in. I think the closet was getting a little claustrophobic for him.
We walked out to my Explorer and climbed in. I told him that he didn’t have to talk about what was going on, but he wanted to. He angrily recounted how his staff member wanted him to hand over a knife and a cell phone. The kid told me that it is against policy for him to have the knife and that he has lost his cell phone privileges, but he didn’t care. He was not going to give his knife or the cell phone to his staff member, the case worker, or the unit director. He stayed pretty angry while we were driving. He acknowledged that he was refusing to cooperate with the adults at the group home because his house parents recently moved. He was angry at his house parents for leaving him. As a result, he was punishing everyone around him. Amazing, this kiddo was actually able to tell me this. Pretty good insight for a teenager. I tried to negotiate to see if he would give me the knife or the cell phone. He won’t. Oh well . . . I won’t be the hero this time.
I had some CDs lying around in my Explorer and asked him to put them back in my CD carrier (mostly because with my back I can’t reach them to put them in the CD carrier). He agreed because he recognized I was a helpless old lady at this point. As he put the CDs up, he looked through all the CDs I have in the car . . . mostly CDs from the American Association of Christian Counselors on counseling topics, a couple of books on tape, an exercise DVD for when I travel, contemporary Christian music, and a Hoss Ridgeway CD. He looked at the Hoss Ridgeway CD and asked what it was. I told him that Hoss is a Christian comedian I know and he wanted to listen to the CD. He put the CD in and started to listen. Before long, he was laughing along with Hoss.
We listened to Hoss on the way to the storage unit and on the way back. The kiddo loaded a mattress and few other things for me by himself and was completely awesome. As we drove back onto the campus of the group home, the kid said “I was really mad, but listening to this CD really helped. I’m a lot calmer now.” He went on to say he wasn’t ready to give anyone his knife or cell phone yet, but he would if he could stay in his room and calm down for a little longer.
Listening to the Hoss Ridgeway CD reminded me that some times when kids are getting angry or frustrated, one of the most effective things we can do is distract them. Distraction allows them to calm down and us to calm down. When we distract kids, we don’t ignore that there will be consequences later, but what we try to do is help the kids calm down so the situation does not continue to escalate.
Hoss Ridgeway has his own website and is available for bookings. Check it out at www.hossridgeway.com.
I owe you one Hoss!!
