That’s not fair!!

Every parent has heard it. The whining. The complaining. The attempts to manipulate the situation.

The younger children think it is not fair that the older children have more freedom and more responsibilities. The older children think it is not fair that the younger children don’t have the same expectations and still get to do “baby” stuff. Funny how neither the older children nor the younger children think you are treating them fairly.

When did we buy into the idea that everything has to be “fair” when we parent children. Our children think “fair” means that we treat every child in exactly the same way. As parents we know that we need to treat each of our children differently based on their individual personalities, their skills, and their needs. The fair way to treat children is to give every one of them an equally good chance of getting to heaven based on our parenting.

When our children whine about how life is not fair, it is perfectly okay to tell them that life is not fair. If life were fair, Adam and Eve never would have sinned and we would all be in the Garden of Eden. After all, it’s not really fair that all people are paying the price for Adam and Eve’s sin.

Life isn’t fair and when children expect life to be fair, they get angry when it doesn’t seem fair to them. Children cope better when they know it is a world filled with sin and fallen people, rather than expecting perfect people and perfect situations.

As a parent, it is perfectly okay to say, “You’re right. That’s not fair. Life is not fair.”

A few nights ago, I was lying down next to my nephew, Little Britches, while he was going to sleep. We have some amazing conversations as he falls to sleep. Little Britches is in kindergarten and is learning all his letters and the sounds that go with letters. Part of learning about sounds is learning what sounds rhyme.

That particular evening, Little Britches asked, “Doc, are you allergic to cats?”

Little Britches knows that I am, but was using the question as a conversation starter. Have you noticed that lots of times, kids asked questions just to get us to talk to them, not because they need answers.

I told Little Britches, “Yes. I’m allergic to cats.”

“Doc, if you are allergic to cats, you must be allergic to rats. Are you allergic to rats?”

“I don’t know if I’m allergic to rats. I’ve never been tested to see if I’m allergic to rats.”

“Doc, if you are allergic to cats and rats, you must be allergic to bats. Are you allergic to bats?”

“I don’t know if I’m allergic to bats. I’ve never been tested to see if I’m allergic to bats.”

“Why haven’t you been tested to see if you are allergic to rats and bats if you are allergic to cats?”

Little Britches had me for a moment or two. “Well, I guess the doctor didn’t test me to see if I was allergic to rats and bats because he didn’t think I’d be around rats or bats.”

“Doc, if you are allergic to cats, you have to be allergic to rats and bats,” responded Little Britches as he drifted off to sleep.

In his own way with the knowledge he had, Little Britches was making connections. Admittedly, he was making connections that a medical doctor would not make, but . . . maybe I should be tested to see if I’m allergic to bats and rats. After all, I am allergic to cats.