I recently read an article about Jon Gosselin and his life with his eight children. Jon and his wife have made the decision to allow segments of their lives and the lives of their children to be documented for a television series on TLC called Jon & Kate Plus 8. While I might question the wisdom of focusing so much publicity on the lives of children, I can empathize with Jon when he says that every time he watches a segment of the documentary, he sees himself through the eyes of the camera rather than through his own eyes. He states that watching the segments of himself on the screen is like marriage counseling and he finds himself apologizing at times and trying to learn how to be a better spouse and parent.

I wonder how much my interactions with others would change if I were on television. The camera would only record the outward behavior, not the intent of my actions. I would probably discover that I frequently act in ways that are consistent with what I am thinking or wanting to communicate to others. My parenting skills like Jon’s would probably improve if I were to see myself through the camera lens rather than through my own biases. I think today and tomorrow and the next day, I will try to imagine how the camera would record my actions.

Last night I listened to a frustrated mother describe her interactions with her teenage daughter. The mother was almost tearful when she said, “I feel terrible saying this. I love my daughter, but I don’t like her.” Wow! What parent of a teenager hasn’t occasionally felt that way? Yet when that is the primary way parents feel about interacting with their children, it is a problem that needs to be addressed. Occasionally when we are trying to deal with all the issues related to parenting, we forget to teach our children their three primary jobs. The three primary jobs of children in any family are:

1. Be fun to live with

2. Be respectful

3. Be responsible

If we can narrow parenting expectations down to these three rules, it makes it much simpler to address problem behaviors. If a child is not completing his chores, he is not being responsible. If a child is being rude, she is not being respectful. If a child is demanding and selfish, he is not being fun to live with.

In fact, those three rules are pretty good rules for parents as well as children. If we focus on being fun to be with, being respectful, and being responsible, we will be modeling some incredible behaviors for our children. Children learn what they see and live, not what they are told.