Every parent has heard it. The whining. The complaining. The attempts to manipulate the situation.

The younger children think it is not fair that the older children have more freedom and more responsibilities. The older children think it is not fair that the younger children don’t have the same expectations and still get to do “baby” stuff. Funny how neither the older children nor the younger children think you are treating them fairly.

When did we buy into the idea that everything has to be “fair” when we parent children. Our children think “fair” means that we treat every child in exactly the same way. As parents we know that we need to treat each of our children differently based on their individual personalities, their skills, and their needs. The fair way to treat children is to give every one of them an equally good chance of getting to heaven based on our parenting.

When our children whine about how life is not fair, it is perfectly okay to tell them that life is not fair. If life were fair, Adam and Eve never would have sinned and we would all be in the Garden of Eden. After all, it’s not really fair that all people are paying the price for Adam and Eve’s sin.

Life isn’t fair and when children expect life to be fair, they get angry when it doesn’t seem fair to them. Children cope better when they know it is a world filled with sin and fallen people, rather than expecting perfect people and perfect situations.

As a parent, it is perfectly okay to say, “You’re right. That’s not fair. Life is not fair.”

That particular evening, Little Britches asked, “Doc, are you allergic to cats?”

Little Britches knows that I am, but was using the question as a conversation starter. Have you noticed that lots of times, kids asked questions just to get us to talk to them, not because they need answers.

I told Little Britches, “Yes. I’m allergic to cats.”

“Doc, if you are allergic to cats, you must be allergic to rats. Are you allergic to rats?”

“I don’t know if I’m allergic to rats. I’ve never been tested to see if I’m allergic to rats.”

“Doc, if you are allergic to cats and rats, you must be allergic to bats. Are you allergic to bats?”

“I don’t know if I’m allergic to bats. I’ve never been tested to see if I’m allergic to bats.”

“Why haven’t you been tested to see if you are allergic to rats and bats if you are allergic to cats?”

Little Britches had me for a moment or two. “Well, I guess the doctor didn’t test me to see if I was allergic to rats and bats because he didn’t think I’d be around rats or bats.”

“Doc, if you are allergic to cats, you have to be allergic to rats and bats,” responded Little Britches as he drifted off to sleep.

In his own way with the knowledge he had, Little Britches was making connections. Admittedly, he was making connections that a medical doctor would not make, but . . . maybe I should be tested to see if I’m allergic to bats and rats. After all, I am allergic to cats.

Too many days in my life I feel sorry for myself.  I wonder if I could be smarter. Run my business better. Be a better mother, grandmother, friend. Could I be a better wife? Oh yes.

Christian? How broken I am. I indulge in sinful worry. Not being faithful in my trust that He will provide and comfort always. What a sad individual I have become.

Yes, I pray.

 So, today in walks a young man. Little do I know at that moment, I will remember Travis for the rest of my life. He is only eleven years old.  I met him on Monday, but he was in a crowd and I did not really meet him.  Today, it was funny how he made me smile with the first true introduction. A short 20 minutes later, I felt he was my friend.  His amazing humor, and very deep intellect let me open my eyes again to what is really important.

 He looked into my camera with a determination I have seldom seen. With a purpose to show someone special, that he is a very special person. As I looked through the viewfinder, I saw a young man longing for unconditional love. His pose was practiced and deliberate. He just wants someone to give him a home. Love him unconditionally.

 We even joked and posed with his arms outstretched and begging, praying.  “Please sir, can you give me a home?” I know nothing of his past life before today. It is very obvious it has not been an easy eleven years.  Probably more eventful than I would ever wish to believe.  But he posed, smiled, begged, and I am sure he prays for a home.  One that is full of love. The unconditional kind.

 He made me feel good enough for anything today. It will take some time for me to forget again how blessed and spoiled I am. Prayers are answered in the strangest ways.

 Thank you Travis for transforming my camera and me today.

We were talking about the health challenges my parents have faced this fall.  My dad has fractured his back and then fell and bruised up his leg and knees a few weeks later.  My mom is losing her eye sight.  She has had an eye surgery this fall, then she experienced blood clots in her legs.  Diane made the comment that it sounded like my parents were in a foot race to get to heaven.  I agreed completely.  Not that I think they are going to die immediately, but Diane’s comment reframed for me what I am witnessing with my parents. 

My parents prepared me well for this stage in my life.  They were wonderful caregivers to my grandparents and included us as part of the family team that cared for my grandparents.  They aren’t done teaching lessons though.  Being with my parents as they have faced these health challenges has been a wonderful time of encouragement and conversation.  There have been difficult conversations where we have had to talk about options if my parents weren’t able to continue to live independently.  There have been humorous conversations about aging and hospital care.  There have connecting conversations about the lives we have shared as a family. 

Funny. . . if you had told me four months ago that all the events that have happened this fall were going to happen, I would have guessed I’d be stressed and completely overwhelmed.  I’m not stressed or overwhelmed.  Thanks to God’s grace and my parents’ wonderful hearts, I am encouraged and inspired. 

Mostly I am grateful that my parents have run a good race and fought the good fight.  Now as they near the finish line in their foot race to heaven, it will be my honor to walk with them, to encourage them, and if necessary, carry them. 

There could be no greater honor.

There was a prolonged silence from the back of the vehicle.  I thought Jalapeno Hal was taking to heart what I was saying. 

A hesitant voice finally responded from the back seat, “Well Doc, I guess if God wants me to kill people so they can go to heaven, I can do that, but I don’t want to.”

I immediately laughed and explained to Jalapeno Hal that when I said we need to do what we can help other people get to heaven, I didn’t mean that we had to kill other people.  I went on to explain to him that what I meant was that we needed to encourage other people to do what God wants them to do.

Ultimately, I learned a lesson in communication.  Some times what we think we are saying is not what other people are hearing. 

I guess there is more than one way to help other people get to heaven. I just think encouraging them to do what God wants them to do might make it easier for us to get to heaven as well as them.

At a time when many people would be talking about slowing down or making plans to downsize, my dad is still planning like he is immortal.  Dad doesn’t realize that our culture thinks he should go home and put his feet up in a recliner or watch the sun set from his back porch.  Dad just doesn’t get it. 

Dad grew up believing that a man should work until a man can’t work. 

Last week, Dad fell while working on a construction project.  He landed on a concrete footer and fractured a vertebrae in the center of his back.  Mom (who is visually challenged) drove dad to the emergency room in the neighboring town.  The ER doctor sent dad home with pain medication for two days and told him to rest. 

When my brother and I found out about Dad’s accident, we decided to drive up and check on him.  I thought I was probably being overprotective, but something just seemed a little out of sorts.  The next morning I picked my brother up and drove toward home. 

While my brother and I were driving, my dad decided that he needed to go back and check on his construction project.  Dad was in tremendous pain and was moving “ten times” slower than normal by his own admission, but somehow he shuffled across the street and down two houses to check on the construction project. 

He told mom he needed to check on the project before my brother and I got there because we would be upset with him if we knew he was checking on the project.  At the same time, he assured mom that “when we get old, our kids will take good care of us.”

When we got to Dad’s house, it was evident he was in a lot of pain and needed more medical attention.  Dad didn’t even protest when we told him we thought he needed someone else to look at his back.  His lack of protest confirmed for us how much pain he was experiencing. 

As we followed an ambulance, Mom confessed that dad had checked on the construction project and that he said we would take good care of him when he got old, I found myself thinking “I hope my dad never gets old.” 

I don’t think the number of candles on a cake makes a man old.  My dad doesn’t see himself as old and he keeps right on living like he is a young man. 

I’ll take very good care of Dad if he ever gets old, but today I want to believe that he won’t ever get too old to sneak out to check on a construction project. 

P.S. I won’t be upset if dad sneaks out to check on construction projects, but I think it’s better if he doesn’t know that.  No telling what he would do if he knew we secretly approved of his projects.

On certain years when the band was “good enough,” Mr. Offill would pull out the sheet music for Sweet Caroline.  Then IF (and it was a big if) the band could play the song in a passable fashion, Mr. Offill would have the band perform it at the spring concert.  He would dedicate the song to his wife, Caroline. 

Every time I hear that song, I think of Mr. Offill and the years he spent dedicating his life to teaching kids.  I can’t help but admire who he was and what a difference he made in the lives of generations for students that walked the halls of Stinnett High School. 

My one regret is I never told Mr. Offill how he impacted my life (more on that in another blog) and changed who I became.  One time he told me not to ever teach because if I became a teacher, I would fall in love with the students and never walk away.  He urged me to choose a more logical profession .  .  . a profession with more financial rewards.

Mr. Offill was right.  I made a fatal mistake.  I started teaching.  I’ve never been able to walk away because it does make a difference. 

Make a difference today. 

Tell someone who has been important in your life how much they mean to you. 

One day you won’t be able to tell him or her.

Like many of you have been strongly impacted by living in a culture of discontent that says we should do more, we should be more, we should be like everyone we see in the media.  Our houses should be bigger, our cars should be newer, or our bodies should be more attractive.  The problem with these standards is that the standard is always more.  When we are always reaching for more, we never reach our destination.  Funny, how we have distorted our priorities in chasing what the world wants us to chase. 

God calls us to a different life, to different priorities, to different goals.  Paul understood what God offers us.  In Phillipians 4:11-13, Paul writes “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”  I had heard and read Paul’s statement many times, but I had never connected it with the statement that follows in the next verse, “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”  When I connect those two statements, I understand that Paul is content in any situation because he understands that God is in charge and will provide the strength he needs regardless of the situation. 

Like Paul, I need to recognize that God is with me no matter what the situation.  His presence is more important than the situation.  I can be content in whatever situation because it is about the eternal, not the latest fashion or trend.