Last night I listened to a frustrated mother describe her interactions with her teenage daughter. The mother was almost tearful when she said, “I feel terrible saying this. I love my daughter, but I don’t like her.” Wow! What parent of a teenager hasn’t occasionally felt that way? Yet when that is the primary way parents feel about interacting with their children, it is a problem that needs to be addressed. Occasionally when we are trying to deal with all the issues related to parenting, we forget to teach our children their three primary jobs. The three primary jobs of children in any family are:
1. Be fun to live with
2. Be respectful
3. Be responsible
If we can narrow parenting expectations down to these three rules, it makes it much simpler to address problem behaviors. If a child is not completing his chores, he is not being responsible. If a child is being rude, she is not being respectful. If a child is demanding and selfish, he is not being fun to live with.
In fact, those three rules are pretty good rules for parents as well as children. If we focus on being fun to be with, being respectful, and being responsible, we will be modeling some incredible behaviors for our children. Children learn what they see and live, not what they are told.
I was sitting at the wrong gate waiting for a flight to Tulsa. When I realized that the passengers around me were talking about going to Lubbock (not Tulsa), I packed up my computer and the manuscript I was working on. The gentleman across the aisle from me said, “You don’t want to go to Lubbock?” I told him I wanted to go to Lubbock because that was home, but that I was headed to Tulsa today. I found out he has four children who range in age from 2 to 8 and he was eager to be home to interact with them. He volunteered that he was old to have such young children, but that he and his wife had just adopted the youngest two children less than six months ago. He told me they were trying to decide if they would take additional foster children, but he readily confessed that he didn’t mind having a lot of children in his home, he just didn’t want any of them to leave. We went on to talk about the Children’s Protective Services workers we knew and what a tough job they have and how much foster homes and adoptive homes are needed in Texas right now.
I don’t know how the situation is in the rest of the world, but in Lubbock, Texas, we need Christian families who will step up to the plate and provide foster homes and adoptive homes for children. I will be the first one to admit that foster care and adoption can be tough work for parents, but the rewards are tremendous. Many children who are in foster care and available for adoption don’t respond to typical parenting and need what I call “professional parenting.” Anyone who is committed and willing to learn can become a “professional parent.” It takes grit and determination, but all good parents have those qualities. If you have thought about adoption or foster care, please pray about it. We have literally thousands of children in Texas who need a family. If you are in the Lubbock area contact Stacy Parker at sparker@childshome.org. She will be more than happy to get you additional information. If foster care and adoption are not your ministry, please pray for our foster parents and kids in foster care. God is all powerful and he can work miracles in their lives.
Recently the media has reported a stream of arrests and allegations involving school teachers sexually abusing students. When faced with evidence of abuse, school administrators frequently don’t let others know about it, while legal loopholes allow some sex offenders to continue to teach. Experts believe the problem is much larger than the current reports indicate because victims often stay quiet because they fear they will not be believed and will be ostracized.
According to the associated press, in response to the rising number of reports of teachers sexually abusing students, ten states have developed plans to crack down on sexually abusive teachers. The new measures in these ten states provide tougher penalties for teachers who abuse students, punishment for administrators who fail to provide adequate supervision of teachers, and educational initiatives to train teachers on how to recognize abusers in their midst.
Regrettably, we have reached the point as a society where these measures are necessary to provide a minimal level of protection for children. Those who should most be concerned about the safety of children have become those who prey on children.
While it is admirable that states are trying to take measures to address teachers sexually abusing children, the reality is that as parents we need to do everything we can to help protect our children. We have to be willing to talk with our children about sexual issues. By the time our children are five years of age, they should know how to recognize when someone is trying to touch them inappropriately. If you as a parent haven’t taught your children about sexual safety and they are five year of age or older, now it the time to start teaching them. If you need assistance in teaching them, God Made Me: The Safe Touch Coloring Book is designed to help you teach your children about sexual safety.
The steady rhythm of the rain tonight as I drove home reminded me of a night in May many years ago. I was playing basketball on an outdoor court when it began to rain. The rain drenched clothes and skin. Thunder rumbled through the basketball court. Lightening embraced the night sky. The rain cleansed the air.
When the rain soaked my shoes, I kicked them off. I felt the cold water chill my feet as sweat mingled with rain on my face. I focused on the game, on the steady rhythm of dribble, pass, and shoot. The ball was slippery and the game was challenging. The feel of feet on wet concrete, hands grabbing wet leather, and muscles responding to commands are sensory memories that call me back to that night. A night of foolishness, freedom, and fun. A once in a lifetime moment.
That night is so memorable because I wasn’t focused on the thunder or the lightening (perhaps being quite foolish). I wasn’t worried about what would happen later that night or the next day. The only thing I was focused on was the rhythm of dribble, pass, and shoot. I was immersed in the moment. More than 25 years later I can still get lost in the memories of that night.
What I didn’t know that night was that it was the last time I would play basketball before I broke my back. I didn’t know that it would be a last opportunity to enjoy the rhythm of dribble, pass, and shoot without feeling pain. I didn’t know what would happen. I just had the moment.
Tonight, I smile as I watch the steady rhythm of the rain and remember that moment . . . remember the rhythm . . . remember a moment when I wasn’t concerned about the next hour or the next day.
Tonight as I fall asleep, I pray for more rain, more wet feet, more moments to remember.
