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23
May

Sexual Abuse and “Christian Friends”

 

During Maria’s eighth grade year, her parents befriend her softball coach, Coach Jennings. When Coach Jennings’ mother dies, she begins to talk to Maria more about her mother and her own grief. Although Maria’s parents’ are concerned about Maria assuming a peer relationship with her coach, they reassure themselves that Coach Jennings is a coach at a Christian school and a family friend.

One weekend, Maria’s mother attends a ladies retreat sponsored by her church. Coach Jennings calls Maria after the other women have left for the retreat and tells Maria she wants to attend the retreat and asks Maria to ride with her to the retreat. Maria agrees. When Coach Jennings and Maria get to the retreat area, they have to share a room because there aren’t other rooms available. They sit up talking for several hours talking.

In the early morning hours, they go to bed. Some time later, Maria awakes when she feels Coach Jennings’ hands caressing her breasts. Maria’s body stiffens, but she keeps her eyes closed hoping that Coach Jennings will think that she is asleep. Maria can’t believe what is happening. Surely Coach Jennings is asleep. Eventually it stops. Maria lies awake staring at the ceiling after Coach Jennings’ steady breathing indicates she is asleep.

The next morning when Maria gets up, she doesn’t mention the incident and pretends it didn’t happen. Coach Jennings never mentions the situation. Both Maria and Coach Jennings spend the day in Bible study together with the other women on the retreat. That night, they both go back to their room and talk about the day’s lessons. They both go to bed without mentioning the previous night’s incident. Although Maria is anxious, she believes the previous night’s incident was a mistake or that maybe she was dreaming. Eventually she falls asleep.

Again, Coach Jennings’ hands awaken her. Maria pretends she is asleep. Nothing is said about what happens the next morning. Maria thinks about telling her mother, but doesn’t want Coach Jennings to get in trouble. Maria doesn’t tell anyone what happened. That weekend becomes the beginning of nearly five years of sexual abuse.

Maria is one of 1.3 million children a year that are sexually abused. Approximately one in three women and one in six men are sexually abused before age 18, and an estimated 61 percent of sexual assault victims are under the age of 18. With such a large number of children and teens being sexually abused, parents need to develop an awareness of how adults manipulate children into sexually abusive relationships. Parents need to be cautious and aware of who their children are spending time with. Just because someone is a “Christian” or a family “friend” doesn’t mean that parents don’t still need to supervise their children’s activities.

Trust your instincts. If it doesn’t feel right to you, check it out!

Excerpt from Sex: Helping Church Teens Deal With Challenging Issues.

By Dr. Beth Robinson 0 Comments
Categories: Blog


23
May

Lessons Learned From Front Row Seats

 

For several years I had a front row seat watching how my parents coped with being sandwiched between caring for my mom’s parents and their children. My granddad lived for three years after a stroke. He was paralyzed on one side of his body and required a great deal of physical care. My grandma was diabetic and she lived for thirteen years after my granddad’s first stroke.

Watching my parents care for my grandparents was a faith building experience. From my front row seat I learned . . .

· Faith is more important than finances.

· Peanut butter, mustard, and pickle sandwiches are a complete meal.

· Loving someone can be exhausting and frustrating.

· Reds and whites aren’t a good combination for laundry.

· Tears aren’t always bad.

· Wearing a wig backwards makes a definite fashion statement.

· Nobody wants to clean the toilets.

· Chaos is a form of landscaping.

· Being a servant is about what you do when no one outside your family sees it.

· Bodies decay, but souls are eternal.

(Excerpt from Sandwiched: Pass the Peanut Butter and Jelly: Inspirational Stories for Sandwiched Families)

By Dr. Beth Robinson 4 Comments
Categories: Blog


15
Apr

Giving Away The Refrigerator

 

I was young, in love, and bewildered. Haven”t we all been there?

I grew up in a family that emphasized money management and financial planning. My parents were generous to a fault, but I always knew my parents would have the financial resources to take care of us. Although as an adult, I now know things were much tighter financially than I ever realized.

However, being young and in love, I was bewildered by a choice Ricky made. I was sitting in Ricky”s kitchen one evening and noticed that his refrigerator was gone. When I asked Ricky about his refrigerator, he told me a young couple from his church who had children needed a refrigerator, so he had given the family his refrigerator. I asked Ricky where he was going to get a new refrigerator assuming he had the resources to purchase another refrigerator. I assumed he was giving away a refrigerator from excess resources.

I”ll never forget Ricky”s response. He said, “I don”t know where I”ll get a new refrigerator, but I know God will provide one.”

Ricky didn”t have any money for a new refrigerator. He didn”t have a plan for how to get a refrigerator. All he had was faith—faith that God would provide a refrigerator. In Matthew 17:20, we are told “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Ricky lived this scripture and truly believed it.

The next day Ricky got a call from a woman who was remodeling her kitchen and needed someone to haul off her old appliances. Ricky agreed to pick up the appliances. Sure enough, there was a working refrigerator. God provided for Ricky.

I still struggle to have faith. I want to have the resources and a plan for getting another refrigerator before I give away my refrigerator. I hold on too tightly to what I can see rather than reaching for that which is unseen. Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see (Heb. 11:1). I continue to pray that I will have faith at least as small as a mustard seed—enough faith to give away the refrigerator (without a plan to replace it!).

By Dr. Beth Robinson 0 Comments
Categories: Blog


21
Mar

Teachable Moments

 

I’ve always believed our children are quite literally on loan from God. We have the responsibility to do everything we can as parents to help our children get to heaven. Our children’s purpose here on earth is to be about their heavenly father’s business.

As a college professsor, I meet a wide variety of young adults whose parents have raised them with different values. Many of the college students I meet are struggling to find a faith of their own and a place and a purpose in God’s kingdom. However, I occasionally meet students whose parents understood they were on loan from God. When I meet students with a faith of their own and an understanding of their purpose on this earth, I am curious about how their parents raised them.

I learned a wonderful parenting strategy by talking to two college students and their parents. When these college students were growing up, their parent used time driving in the car to teach spiritual values through telling short fictional stories about other youth. Once the parent had told the story, he would ask his children to identify if the behavior or motivation of the character in the story represented good choices or bad choices.

As young adults, these children vividly remember the experience of exploring good choices and bad choices. A father created teachable moments by talking about spiritual values with his children while they were driving together in the car. Those teachable moments are still there for all of us today if we will unplug our Ipods, our DVD players, and our other electronic distractions in the car and tune in to developing a meaningful conversation with our children.

After all, our children are on loan from God.

By Dr. Beth Robinson 0 Comments
Categories: Blog


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