For several years I had a front row seat watching how my parents coped with being sandwiched between caring for my mom’s parents and their children. My granddad lived for three years after a stroke. He was paralyzed on one side of his body and required a great deal of physical care. My grandma was diabetic and she lived for thirteen years after my granddad’s first stroke.
Watching my parents care for my grandparents was a faith building experience. From my front row seat I learned . . .
· Faith is more important than finances.
· Peanut butter, mustard, and pickle sandwiches are a complete meal.
· Loving someone can be exhausting and frustrating.
· Reds and whites aren’t a good combination for laundry.
· Tears aren’t always bad.
· Wearing a wig backwards makes a definite fashion statement.
· Nobody wants to clean the toilets.
· Chaos is a form of landscaping.
· Being a servant is about what you do when no one outside your family sees it.
· Bodies decay, but souls are eternal.
(Excerpt from Sandwiched: Pass the Peanut Butter and Jelly: Inspirational Stories for Sandwiched Families)
I was young, in love, and bewildered. Haven”t we all been there?
I grew up in a family that emphasized money management and financial planning. My parents were generous to a fault, but I always knew my parents would have the financial resources to take care of us. Although as an adult, I now know things were much tighter financially than I ever realized.
However, being young and in love, I was bewildered by a choice Ricky made. I was sitting in Ricky”s kitchen one evening and noticed that his refrigerator was gone. When I asked Ricky about his refrigerator, he told me a young couple from his church who had children needed a refrigerator, so he had given the family his refrigerator. I asked Ricky where he was going to get a new refrigerator assuming he had the resources to purchase another refrigerator. I assumed he was giving away a refrigerator from excess resources.
I”ll never forget Ricky”s response. He said, “I don”t know where I”ll get a new refrigerator, but I know God will provide one.”
Ricky didn”t have any money for a new refrigerator. He didn”t have a plan for how to get a refrigerator. All he had was faith—faith that God would provide a refrigerator. In Matthew 17:20, we are told “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Ricky lived this scripture and truly believed it.
The next day Ricky got a call from a woman who was remodeling her kitchen and needed someone to haul off her old appliances. Ricky agreed to pick up the appliances. Sure enough, there was a working refrigerator. God provided for Ricky.
I still struggle to have faith. I want to have the resources and a plan for getting another refrigerator before I give away my refrigerator. I hold on too tightly to what I can see rather than reaching for that which is unseen. Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see (Heb. 11:1). I continue to pray that I will have faith at least as small as a mustard seed—enough faith to give away the refrigerator (without a plan to replace it!).
I’ve always believed our children are quite literally on loan from God. We have the responsibility to do everything we can as parents to help our children get to heaven. Our children’s purpose here on earth is to be about their heavenly father’s business.
As a college professsor, I meet a wide variety of young adults whose parents have raised them with different values. Many of the college students I meet are struggling to find a faith of their own and a place and a purpose in God’s kingdom. However, I occasionally meet students whose parents understood they were on loan from God. When I meet students with a faith of their own and an understanding of their purpose on this earth, I am curious about how their parents raised them.
I learned a wonderful parenting strategy by talking to two college students and their parents. When these college students were growing up, their parent used time driving in the car to teach spiritual values through telling short fictional stories about other youth. Once the parent had told the story, he would ask his children to identify if the behavior or motivation of the character in the story represented good choices or bad choices.
As young adults, these children vividly remember the experience of exploring good choices and bad choices. A father created teachable moments by talking about spiritual values with his children while they were driving together in the car. Those teachable moments are still there for all of us today if we will unplug our Ipods, our DVD players, and our other electronic distractions in the car and tune in to developing a meaningful conversation with our children.
After all, our children are on loan from God.
As I was driving home tonight, I saw several different rabbits dart across the rural road I was on. Seeing those rabbits weaving in and out of my headlights reminded me of riding in my dad’s pickup when I was much younger. I can remember leaving a pasture as dusk enveloped us and seeing jack rabbits dart in front of the pickup’s headlights. Dad and I both would have our windows rolled down and the summer breeze would cool the cab of the pickup. I loved those rides with my dad. It never seemed like we talked much (probably because we couldn’t have heard each other over the wind rushing through the cab), but I always felt so special because I spent time with my dad.
This past week I spent time with my family on vacation. On two different evenings, the family sat and watch Professional Bull Riding (PBR). I don’t generally watch bull riding, but it does remind me of growing up and working cattle with my dad. It should be no surpirise that one of the things I enjoyed most about the trip was imaginary bull riding with my nephews. Our bull riding would have looked much more like playing on swings to other people. My nephews, Jalapeno Hal and Little Britches, would saddle up on their swings and ride their bulls for as long as they could. After the bull bucked at least five times (five pushes on the swing), Jalapeno Hal and Little Britches would take turns getting bucked off (jumping from the swing and staggering to the ground) their bulls. I would rate each ride on a scale of 1 to 100 always taking into consideration the difficulty of the bull. I’m sure I enjoyed our imaginary bull riding more than my nephews. We certainly played it several times during the week!
Maybe when my nephews are adults and are swinging their kids, they will remember how special they were to me during our bull riding sessions. I still believe nothing is as important to kids as our undivided attention and love. I believe that because my parents gave me the gift of undivided attention and love. I still remember jack rabbits and hope my nephews will remember bull riding.
